Things To Avoid If You Want To Save Marriage From Divorce
Desperate times call for desperate measures. There are probably many nights that you lay awake worrying about your marriage and feeling helpless that there is nothing you can do about it. To save marriage, you are willing to try anything, right? But what if many of the save marriage tactics you are using out of desperation are in actuality causing even more stress on your relationship?
Most couples in the face of divorce or marital problems begin acting out of fear. This fear causes them to be desperate, submissive, depressed, sad, and resorting to tactics of emotional control over their partner. In other words, they want their partner to feel bad for them and to not leave simply because it will hurt them so.
The next defense common in couples is to turn the hurt into a never-ending argument of battle of the wills. You figure if you can win a few arguments here and there and inflict a little pain along the way – all will be fair. Sadly, this only leaves things worse than where they were before. This vicious circle continues, perpetuated by above all things fear. Fear of losing the one you love.
If you feel like your marriage is in trouble – heed these warnings! Stop placing blame! Stop bending over backwards and forwards trying to earn the acceptance and appreciation of your spouse. Stop the endless whining about what you aren’t getting or what is lacking. Stop accusing. Stop trying to inflate your partner’s ego. Most importantly, stop acting as if your life will end if the marriage ends. All of these behaviors do nothing but help land you in the one place you have been trying to avoid. Divorce.
You can save marriage by holding on to your dignity and by deciding that you are not a victim in the relationship. When you begin letting go of the fear of divorce and concentrating on the positive things in your relationship (and your life) your outcome in getting through to your partner will improve.
You cannot force your spouse into thinking just as you do. But you can use the very powerful tools of self-esteem and love to eradicate fear and make your existence together more peaceful. Be honest for a minute – would you want to be with someone who is constantly on the brink of depression or overly sensitive about every little thing you do or say?
Feeling empowered, confident in yourself, your relationships and in your spouse is very healing. Removing yourself from the victim list can save marriage at its deepest level. In order to do this, you have to realize where you are making mistakes in the relationship. You also have to be willing to change. Habits are hard to break. Save marriage techniques require persistence and dedication that you want to break your old habits in the relationship.
Sometimes two people end up acting a certain way just because they are ‘used to it.’ Think of your own behaviors and decide whether you are making your marriage an attractive place to be or not? Then, realize that while you don’t control your spouse – you do control yourself. To save marriage – you must also save yourself and stop engaging in unhealthy activities!