I Want To Save My Marriage
I want to save my marriage! What should I do?
There are many instances in a marriage where one spouse has been “checked out” of the marriage for a number of years. This can take many forms from the mild, such as ignoring the needs of your spouse, to the more serious, such as having an affair.
What sometimes happens is that during the time that one spouse is absent from the marriage, the other spouse is desperately trying to hold things together. After a time, however, they give up. That is when many of the “checked out” spouses finally wake up and realize “I want to save my marriage”.
Many only come to this realization after their spouse has left and filed for divorce. Once that has happened it may be too late. If your spouse has not left, you are in a better position to start to make amends and prove that you mean what you say when you utter the words “I want to save my marriage.”
If you have been mistreating your spouse in any way, it is vitally important that you apologize. This does not just mean saying, “Hey, if I did anything that hurt you I’m sorry.” Instead, you must sit down and really give some thought to how you have been treating your spouse. Make a list if it will help.
Once you have done that, write a letter to your spouse detailing your offenses and expressing understanding that your actions deeply hurt your spouse.
If your spouse can see that you have honestly taken stock of your actions and are sorry for the damage they have caused, it will be easier for him or her to believe you when you say “I want to save my marriage.”
Many who say “I want to save my marriage” are unwilling to make any concessions that make them the least bit uncomfortable. Let’s use a man who has had an affair as an example. He apologizes and then says that he is willing to work hard to make his marriage work. His wife says she wants to be able to have free access to his cell phone records. He reacts by saying that she is trying to control him and that she wants to treat him like a child.
In light of his past transgressions, this is not an unreasonable request. While she should not feel the need for such checking up on him forever, it is quite reasonable for a time.
If he is unwilling to make such a concession, it is going to be difficult for his wife to believe him when he says “I want to save my marriage.
Of course, that is just one example. The point is that each partner should be willing to make certain concessions in order to help the other spouse feel comfortable in going forward.
If you have trouble agreeing on such concessions, it is a good idea to see a counselor who can help you both work on making compromises and helping to heal your wounded relationship and to save my marriage.