Can I Save My Marriage After Infidelity?
When Both Partners Say “I Want to Save My Marriage” in Spite of Infidelity, Then You CAN Make it Work.
Unfortunately, many men and women have to ask the question “can I save my marriage after infidelity?” Being unfaithful is a trauma that many marriages simply will not survive. Still, that does not mean there is no hope.
Many marriages are able to withstand the deep hurt that is caused by infidelity, but it takes a LOT of work and commitment from both spouses. A common mistake is that the spouse who was unfaithful will say “I want to save my marriage”, but will then be unwilling to make needed concessions and changes to his routine.
For example, if he was once able to go out of town with the guys without his wife questioning the validity of his story, he needs to understand that now, since the trust between them was broken, he may need to check in with her more often or that she might call the wife of one of the friends to verify what he says.
While that is not the most pleasant position to be in, the one who strayed must understand that this willingness to do whatever you can do to make your spouse feel secure can go a long way on the road to repairing your marriage.
On the other side of the coin is the spouse who was cheated on. They may say “I want to save my marriage”, but their every action says otherwise. Of course, they have the right to be hurt and angry. Yes, they have the right to verify their spouse’s plans and peruse through the call log on their cell phone now and then.
They do not, however, have the right to continually belittle, threaten or embarrass their spouse. Sure, it might be tempting to do those things. It might even feel good for a few seconds.
In the long run, though, it will only make you look bad and it is impossible to save a marriage with those kinds of activities taking place on a regular basis. The one who was unfaithful has a lot of work to do, but so does the spouse.
The one whose partner was unfaithful MUST work to forgive and move past the infidelity. If that does not happen, the marriage has no hope of ever being happy again. No matter how much one says “I want to save my marriage”, if the actions are not there to back up those words, it is likely that the marriage will fall apart.
Marriage counselors often hear about how unfair it is the spouse who was cheated on has to suffer through this pain without expressing it in any way that they see fit. Each spouse must decide if they truly want to stay married.
If the answer is “yes, I want to save my marriage,” then BOTH partners are going to have to put the work in to be able to do that.
Can a marriage be saved after infidelity? The answer is absolutely yes, it can. As long as both partners are willing to do what it takes and walk past the pain, you truly can “save my marriage”.