Save Your Marriage By Fighting Fair!
So, you are thinking – save your marriage by fighting fairly? Is that even possible? After all a perfect marriage doesn’t involve any fighting, does it? You could never be more wrong. In fact, the way you solve problems and argue in your relationship could be the number one indicator of whether or not your marriage is going to last.
Many couples may argue, bicker, debate or fight constantly. For those that
do, there is a good chance that what they are really fighting over has nothing to do with whose turn it is to do the dishes. And one fight – where harsh words mince feelings can in actuality last years in the emotions of a partner.
Although you may be fighting over something tangible like money – the truth is you are fighting to gain control and avenge your own hurts. Think back in
your relationship for a minute and see if you can remember 5 things said in the heat of an argument that hurt you? If you are like most couples, you were instantly able to remember MORE than five hurtful things said to you during
the heat of an argument. This just proves that you need to learn how to save your marriage by fighting fairly.
Fighting fair with your spouse can mean several things. First of all – you have to become brutally honest about what is making you mad. If the argument is about something silly like the dishes, decide if that is a true metaphor for how you are feeling. For instance, if the argument is really about your spouse respecting your time and pitching in around the house to make things easier, then fighting about dishes defeats the purpose of your anger.
Be honest. Instead of acting passive aggressive and stomping into the kitchen to slam pots and pans around the sink – tell your partner how your feel. Save your marriage by dealing with the REAL issues, rather than the silly ones.
To save your marriage by fighting fair, you also have to respect one another’s temperament. Each of us brings a different level of emotion to the relationship. If you are prone to crying or yelling – you may need a cooling off period in order to actually solve your marital problem.
And, if your partner is prone to spouting off hurtful things in the midst of an argument just to hush you up – respect the fact that you may get further by waiting a few hours or days to discuss what is going on. Often, the best thing you can do to save your marriage is to take a time-out, especially when things are really heated. Just don’t forget to revisit the issues once the two of you are feeling calmer.
Also, make strides to save your marriage by watching what you say to each other. It is human nature to spit out words during arguments. These words become powerful in the relationship and often undermine every argument from the moment they are said. Your goal may be to simply say something strong enough to cause a reaction in your partner. Unfortunately, they do much more than just that.
You can save your marriage by making sure you never use your personal knowledge of your spouse to say something that is mean and close to their heart. If you do – apologies are in order. Even so, little words such as “I wish I never married you,” “You are as crazy as your mother,” or “I hate you” are very difficult to undo. Fighting fairly doesn’t mean ignoring the issues in your marriage – it just means that you want to save your marriage from things that can cause resentment and pain which can last for years to come.