The Most Common Marriage Problems!
No marriage is without marriage problems. Two highly effective and successful people can stumble and stammer through marriage not understanding what in the world is going wrong. Maybe it is because marriage involves the heart, which is often misunderstood. The sad thing is that few people talk about these marriage problems. So you and many other couples are left feeling like the only people in the world experiencing this happiness in marriage. One of the biggest marriage problems couples face is communication.
If you think back to your pre-marital relationship, you will realize that although you felt like you knew your spouse pretty well – you skirted (or downright avoided) some of the big issues married couples face. Kids, finances, extended family, religion and other key marriage problems can blindside a couple just when they thought they would be happiest. It isn’t your fault.
Now, you are left with figuring out how to communicate with one another despite some of your deeply ingrained differences and beliefs. Chances are you will continuously run into problems during your marriage that stem from different styles of upbringing and beliefs. Rather than turn and run, or feel stymied by your partner’s inability to ‘understand’ you – you need to devise a problem-solving plan.
Marriage problems aren’t unlike other problems. Successful couples don’t just face a bump in the road and give up – they set goals and find ways to come to an agreement. One idea that experts will often advise couples to do is come up with a step-by-step problem-solving plan that you can use in your marriage to ensure that communication is fluid and fair.
First, outline the problem. In one succinct sentence, write down what the problem is. Don’t sugar coat it or embellish it with emotions. For instance – I want kids and my spouse does not! Marriage problems like this are common and by keeping it blunt, you will have less emotion to deal with.
The next step is for each of you to add your emotional response to the situation. Write it down rather than try to verbalize it. This ensures that you get your full say and that your words aren’t minced or swayed by emotions.
Step three is for you and your partner to read each other’s feelings in the matter. You might find out things that you didn’t know about your partner. For instance, although this seems like a huge marriage problem – reading that your spouse feels “a child right now would not give us enough time to be together” can help you to understand their stance.
When the problem is identified and the emotions are honestly revealed – you and your partner can begin problem solving. Each of you should come up with 5 possible solutions or compromises to this marriage problem. It is probable that no one solution will actually solve the problem – but you may find a way to combine some of the ideas to come up with a compromise. In this scenario – your spouse may be willing to have a family in 5 years and you may be willing to wait a little while longer. Perhaps meeting in the middle can make the issue feel as if it is not an open and shut case.
The last step after brainstorming solutions to your marriage problems is essentially to compromise. Chances are you will have a better understanding of each other’s position on the marriage problem you are facing and can begin goal setting. You also may have revealed some new information about your partner that makes it easier to not feel angry about your marriage problem and understand instead.
Marriage problems are unavoidable. However, when you and your spouse can implement a course of action that includes pro-active problem solving you will better your communication and both be given an equal voice. The art of compromise, patience, and understanding are key tools in every marriage.